HERE IS WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT AS YOU BEGIN TO PICK UP THE PIECES:

1. YOU MAY EXPERIENCE A ROLLAR COASTER OF EMOTIONS VERY SIMILAR TO POST TRAUMATIC STRESS.

One minute you might feel okay, then the next your fuming mad, then the next minute your sobbing in a puddle of tears.  Give yourself the room you need to feel.  This is your body's natural physiological response to shattered assumptions about your life and the one you love.  Anyone would feel this way.  You are normal.  You are NOT crazy.

2. YOU MAY CONSTANTLY WONDER IF YOU SHOULD STAY WITH YOUR PARTNER OR LEAVE. 

Don't make any hasty or drastic changes in the first 12 weeks after finding out about it….many people regret the decisions they make in the moment.  But most people begin to feel less crazy after 12 weeks.  Maybe part of your confusion is not knowing if they are in fact cheating you on you emotionally...CLICK TO LEARN MORE...

3. TRY TO RELAX AND GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, IT’S NORMAL TO FEEL THE WAY YOU DO.

Easier said than done, I know.  Someone once said that the obsessive thoughts experienced after the affair is like your walking through the grocery store and no matter where you go the music playing overhead follows you.  You can't control what plays and you can't turn it off...it's just there...very much like the obsessive thoughts you have about the affair.

4. Manage the information you expose yourself to.

Try to avoid asking or learning about sexual details of the affair or reading any correspondence - like text messages, e-mails, or love letters.  This will increase the overwhelming obsessive thoughts but more importantly it will be more hurtful than helpful in the long run.  If you must know, then be aware.  Is you already know, you will still make it.  

5. REALIZE THE AFFAIR PARTNER DOES DESERVE BLAME.  

It takes two to tango and for many of you it seems obvious.  But it can become easy to blame yourself or your partner without taking into consideration that the affair partner deserve responsibility.  But word to the wise: don't do anything violent because that will just land you in jail.  

6. GIVE YOURSELF 12 WEEKS BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY MAJOR LIFE CHANGES.

It is also important to do something to work towards healing during this time.  Don't just wait for the time to pass and see if things get better.  You might not feel as crazy but the connection between you and your partner won't naturally fix itself.  You will still need to make sure this doesn't happen again, you'll want to learn to trust them again, feel safe with them, and restore the closeness you deserve to make the relationship worth keeping.

7. SEEK SUPPORT FROM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER WHO IS NOT BIASED AND WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.  

This should be someone who is a trusted mutual friend and not someone you could be potentially attracted to.  That would just cause more problems.  This person could be a parent who loves you both, another couple who you both feel safe with, or a therapist who can help you sort through things.

8. REVENGE AFFAIRS DO NOT HELP YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  

Cheating on your partner will not right any wrong, make you feel any better, or help them understand how it feels to be you.  Instead of it making them turn and feel bad for you, they're going to be too busy nursing their own wounds from being betrayed to help yours heal.  It's like your drowning and pulling them in won't save you, instead both of you will drown and feel more miserable then before.

9. CONNECT WITH YOUR SPIRITUAL ROOTS.

It can bring a sense of calm in the middle of the storm.

10. GET GOOD PROFESSIONAL HELP.  

A good counselor, who knows what they are doing, is worth the investment.  Also, there are some good online programs out there...but it helps to know who is producing the program.  Is it a therapist or just some guy angry that their spouse cheated and they want to capitalize on it?  Apparently people can make money from other people's pain, who knew?=)

11.  ALSO, THE FIRST 12 WEEKS ARE THE HARDEST, WHERE YOU FEEL THE MOST CRAZY, AFTER DISCOVERY…BUT…

The hurt stays and the problems don't fix themselves....so you must resist the urge to hide and bury your head in the sand.  To truly put the affair behind you, begin to trust them again, and restore the intimacy in the relationship you'll need to effectively work through the pain and the unknown.  If you'd like help sorting through all the confusion and get the answers you need CLICK HERE to download our special report.