Emotional affairs can be tricky because they aren't always super straightforward and obvious. So here are some warning signs your partner is having an emotional affair:
1. SPENDING MORE AND MORE TIME WITH OTHERS.
We are relational beings and we start to build emotional bonds the more we share ourselves with others…who happen to be good listeners. If our relationship is lacking in closeness and connection it can be easy to slide into an emotional affair with a nice person who pays attention to us and makes us feel good.
2. UNUSUALLY INCREASED NEED FOR PRIVACY.
They are on their phone a lot, taking private calls they don’t want you to know about. They stay up super late on the computer or erase all their browser history so you can’t track them. They refuse if you ask to share social media login information.
3. CLOSE FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
For those who are heterosexual having close friends of the opposite sex is really not a good idea. You definitely don’t want to spend an extended amount of unsupervised time with a person of the opposite sex talking about personal things or common shared interests….not that they have cudies…but that you don’t always know the intentions of the other person.
4. THEY BECOME Unusually DEFENSIVE.
If you ask about where they were, who they were with, or what they were doing they become defensive and claim your being crazy. If you are in a committed relationship there is a level of disclosure that is naturally expected. We naturally want to guard ourselves and our relationship from outside intruders.
5. UNUSUAL CHANGE IN SCHEDULES.
They spend more and more time away either working longer hours or spending more time with friends then with you. They might be spending time at the bar or on a hobby. Maybe they don’t want to eat lunch with you in the middle of the work day like they once did.
6. INTEREST CHANGE THAT YOU'RE NOT A PART OF.
They have a sudden intense interest in a new activity that is deliberately not shared with you. They adopt a new set of friends who don’t like you.
7. NOTICIBLY ALTERED PERSONAL HABITS.
They have a preoccupation with personal appearance or an abrupt transformation in their hair or style. Maybe they are purchasing new or sexy underwear that you never get to see on.
8.
INTIMACY LACKS.
I don’t just mean sexual intimacy although that could be part of it. You just sense that they are not emotionally connected with you like you once were. Maybe you’ve never really sensed that you were really connected like you hoped you’d be. You don’t always know what’s wrong you just don’t feel close.
9. YOU DON’T TALK.
Maybe you just don’t see each other very much like you may have in the past. Marital psychologists talk about the minimum connection for a couple to connect during the week is 5 hours a week to keep the connection alive. That is 5 good hours not full of fighting or avoiding important topics.
